LEARN MORE:  Original French Lyrics

LEARN MORE:  Beloved Carols with non-American Origins

To catch the full impact of the full gospel messagei in traditional Christmas carols -- those which tell the story of Jesus from birth through the anticipated second Christmas -- it's important to listen to all the stanzas.

The first five selections of "Carol Story" do so primarily by setting the atmosphere of the night Jesus was born to his earthly parents.  The selection which best establishes the setting, like a screenplay stage directions, is "It Came Upon a Midnight Clear."

 "It Came Upon a Midnight Clear" is a paradox in that its author, Edmond  Sears, was a Unitarian pastor who believed and preached the Divinity of Jesus.  Unitarians may or may not believe in God; those who do believe do not necessarily accept The Trinity (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) belief. Sears was intrigued by the role of the angels in the account of Christ's birth recorded in the Gospel of Luke (Chapter 2).  Nevertheless, the song is a standard in many Methodist Church hymnals.

The musical version on #TheCarolStoryPlaylist by Anne Murray embodies the simplicity of the lyric and the clarity of the angelic tone.  Murray's arrangement leaves little question why Elvis Presley called her his favorite singer.   (Incidentally, as of this writing, Anne Murray has not passed away, despite recent Internet condolences claiming otherwise.)

Sears' poem providing recurring exposition for our #CarolStory narrative.  Its subsequent stanzas, not always sung, are a sterling example of why reading lyrics is as important as recording the tune.  Perhaps moreso.

LEARN MORE: Edmund Sears -- Unitarian seminarian, Methodist author.

"The First Noel" is based mostly in Luke's Chapter 2 account of the heavenly host of angels announcing the birth of Christ to shepherds. (Enjoy the story.)

To get a good grasp of what happened, put yourself in place of the shepherds: You and some close pals are out camping, in your suburban backyard, or, like, hiding out on the rooftop of a parking garage. Where ever you are the sky is pretty black except for a few twinkle, twinkle little stars, because you're away from city-lights distortion. Then:​

The sky lights up! Jackie Gleason's Ralph Kramden face appears in the super moon -- and STARTS TALKING!  YOU KNOW you have not ingested any foreign, mind-altering substances. What emotions do you feel?

THAT'S why Luke wrote verses 9-10 in his history report to the Gentile academic Theophilus. YOUR emotions are why the angels said, "Do not be afraid." This sentiment is captured in the lyric, The first noel was to certain poor shepherds." To "certain." Meaning, to “calm.” To reassure them attack is not imminent.

Among the many meanings of the word "noel" are joy, joyous song, birth, good news. “Noel” is also “Christmas” in French, and is derived from "Nowell," in old English, the language in which "The First Noel" was originally written around 1820.
​
The video here captures the sensibility of the angels attempting to chill the shepherds and the power of the moment.  In our #CarolStory the lyrics allow the actors to adapt new characters and take the audience on the journey to Bethlehem physically and emotionally.

​"God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen" is among the many carols with cryptic meaning and origins. It's a 16th century English tune that has evoked commentaries about the lyricists' commentary on the state of the Church in England, warrior soldiers, uninspiring worship music, bar culture and punctuation.

The word merry is open to interpretation: Does it mean "happy" or does it mean "mighty." Depending on your take, the gentlemen could be barflies partying all night, or warriors preparing for battle.
There's also room for spoken interpretation based upon punctuation. Move the comma around. How does the title change with the comma after ye (as above), after merry; or with merry set off by commas?

We like it because the opening line struck us as the start of a powerful actor's monologue in the classical, Shakespearean tradition that, in script form, propels action. So much so that our writing of #CarolStory began when we spoke the lyrics and began improvising a scene. We were also struck how the song introduces the Gospel of Christ right away...even if in a bar.

We're thankful to our daughter for introducing us to the #Pentatonix and our sister Vanetta Pinn for unearthing this version.

#CarolStoryKIT #ChristmasCarols #Song

There  has been much conversation lately about the meaning of some songs that have become associated with the Christmas season.  That is, they are songs generally sung during the Thanksgiving and New Year's  holidays then not heard again for another 12 months.

Without assessing a viewpoint on a particular song, we agree it is good to frequently examine what we sing and what we say . Scripture reminds us to do so, especially teachings , spirits and ourselves.  Re-examination not only yields growth, it also deepens discoveries that yield fruit.  Those who lead music for Christian worship are regularly challenged to test the lyrics of newer songs for theological accuracy as well as singability.

 At the same time, we must often revisit beloved "traditional" songs to make certain we know what we're saying, and not just singing songs because "it's my favorite" without grasping the intent of the author or the rationale behind the song.  This is, perhaps, a reason for some of the conversations about holiday outside of church circles today.

Over a decade ago, KIT Ministries took such a journey, looking afresh at the lyrics and origins of songs associated with Christmas, and discovered fascinating and cathartic messages.  Exploring the Christmas songs -- notably the carols --  enables a careful listener to actually hear the gospel message of Christ:  from birth to death to resurrection to second Christmas yet-to-come.  This discovery enabled us to create a one-act play, "Carol Story," that consists solely of the lyrics of Christmas carols spoken as dialogue.

"Carol Story" has grown beyond our expectations and is now a requested holiday season presentation.  So much  so, we received a request for a companion piece for Easter.  While our "Carol Story" schedule for this year is filled, the stories associated with the songs are on-going.   So, in this space and in our social media outlets, we'll share some of the stories behind the 61 songs that are adapted for the scripts of "Carol Story" and "Carol Story: The Easter Edition."

LEARN MORE:  The Songs of Carol Story

LEARN MORE:  See "Carol Story" live

Feel free to look at the entire play list, then follow us for the daily video postings of some arrangements along with brief anecdotes.  We trust that through these two methods, the songs of Christmas that you sing with joy or just hear as background white noise while out and about, will have a deeper impact, a kingdom impact, to allow you to hear the Christ of Christmas at times you're least expecting.  Like, everyday.

​LEARN MORE:  The Carol Story and Carol Story Easter Edition Playlist

Many of the songs we associate as Christmas songs, or as Christmas carols, originated in other nations.  As often occurs today, new songs were created by adapting fresh lyrics to standard tunes.  The process made the new tune singable more quickly.  Two well-known none Christmas examples are "America (My Country 'Tis of Thee)," whose tune is the British national anthem, "God Save The Queen;" and, the U.S. national anthem, "The Star-Spangled Banner." That patriotic poem Francis Scott Key wrote during the War of 1812 was paired with a popular drinking song hailed in American pubs as if to thumb their noses at the British. 

The prelude to "Carol Story" demonstrates examples of this technique with brief samples of popular Christmas songs whose origins were folk songs on foreign shores.  One from England, one from France, one for Ukraine.

As a bonus, we  wish you a Merry Christmas in the spirit of Christmas today -- joy in His name -- not as the song was originally intended: as a sarcastic response from the poor to the rich, but a heartfelt sign for you to learn and share when the time is appropriate.

Halloween!!! A word that strikes fear and excitement in children everywhere. For me, as a kid, I definitely looked forward to this fun day. Think about it, you get to dress up in the most creative, crazy, funky way you want without being mocked, run the streets well after the street lights come on, and, THE single most driving factor of them all...FREE CANDY!!! I participated in this ritual all the way through my senior year in high school (best costume - BABY - because I could wear pajamas to school!!!) There was little thought as to the origin and history of Halloween...until...I began to hear speak of the “evil” of the holiday; the unholy meaning behind this day of fun costumes and free candy.

As a youth I was slightly confused, yet understood what was going on. My mother taught me about the things of God and I believed them, but, I truly did not see the big deal about dressing as an angel or a baby or a princess and spending time with my family and friends while acquiring FREE CANDY!!

Fast forward to me, as a mom. I was excited to share the celebration rituals with my own kids. I did not want to deprive them of the joys the day had brought me as a kid per say, however, based on the evolution of Halloween in my life, I developed a list so my kids could enjoy the fun without experiencing the “scary parts.” I even explained that Halloween comes from something “bad,” but we would just have fun; make costumes based on inanimate objects, fun sayings, or even Bible characters. See, Halloween… “Christian-style.”

Now, as a teacher, I have to be very careful with everything I say and do. So, when Halloween comes around, I am once again conflicted. When I was in elementary school, I looked forward to this time of year. Why? Because we got to dress up, the teacher would do some fun activities that disguised learning brilliantly, and...you guessed it...TREATS!!!! Those days were memorable and made school fun...at least for that day. How can I now, an elementary school teacher myself, deprive my students of that experience?

READ MORE:  How The Real Michael Myers handles Halloween

Well, as an adult and a Christian, I am fully aware and have a significant understanding of Halloween. I am not willing to allow Satan to use me as a tool to infiltrate the minds of any little person I interact with. However, there are so many demands on our elementary-aged children today: they have to analyze the main character in a story; they have to explain why 5 times 5 equals 25 in 3 different ways; they have to design science investigations about the relative density of several objects and justify their results, they have to plan, write, revise, edit, and publish an expository essay explaining who the most important person in their lives is and why. Can the kids just be kids for ONE DAY???

​My answer...YES!!! So, Mrs. Brown’s class always receives a little goodie bag; complete with a fun “halloween” pencil, a few “halloween” stickers, and...SHHHHH...some FREE CANDY!!! We also learn using halloween-themed activities and HAVE FUN!!!

My final thought, being a Christian mom and teacher does not demand that I eliminate EVERYTHING from my life; all those things that I enjoyed as a kid/teen and couldn’t wait to pass along to my children. What it does demand is that I am responsible with the approach, I educate the little ones around me on the history and the appropriate way we can enjoy the “good” parts without being submerged and controlled by the bad.

Balancing church and family responsibilities is a reason Paul cautioned wannabe pastors in Corinth about getting married.
​
 Depending on the source you’re reading, there are varying views about divorce rates among couples who profess themselves to be Christ-followers. The rates are either growing at the same rate as non-believers, greater than that rate, declining from that rate, or were never as high. 

Assorted denominations have particular points of view about whether couples should divorce and what roles people who do divorce should have in Christian ministry, particularly leadership positions. 

Whatever the numbers, whatever your opinion, these facts remain:  c

• children of God divorce;
• they have done so since the time of Moses;
•  divorce is not God’s desire. 

Of the numerous verses in Scripture about divorce, the best perspective is Matthew’s gospel account of Jesus’ conversation with Pharisees.

Keep these questions in mind when listening to Family Priorities, today’s 1-minute audio installment from “Who Prays for the Pastor?” In this segment, author Fredrick Ezeji-Okoye recounts the testimony of a pastor whose zeal for evangelizing produced fruit, not all of which was sweet.
​
Before you start, discuss or journal about the following:

This essay is one in a series of devotionals on coping with stress in ministry, and is based on the book, "Who Prays for the Pastor?" written by Bro. Fredrick Ezeji-Okoye.  The accompanying discussion guide was written by Michael Edgar Myers, who also narrated the audiobook and 1-minute devotional excerpts. If you have any difficulties accessing the material, please e-mail mem@kit-ministries.com.  Thank you. ​

Among the teaching in his first letter to the church at Corinth, the apostle Paul gave what some Bible translations subtitle, “Concerns for Married Life.” Included in the passage in chapter seven, Paul speaks to pastors…or would-be pastors, with an admonition summarized here by the late Eugene Peterson in his paraphrase, “The Message.”

“Because of the current pressures on us from all sides, I think it would probably be best to stay just as you are. Are you married? Stay married. Are you unmarried? Don’t get married. But there’s certainly no sin in getting married, whether you’re a virgin or not. All I am saying is that when you marry, you take on additional stress in an already stressful time, and I want to spare you if possible.”
​
Peterson and Paul’s perspective is the backdrop for this sequence of audio and written reflections based on the book, “Who Prays for the Pastor?” by Fredrick Ezeji-Okoye, founder of the Men of Faith Network. Ezeji-Okoye’s book goes into depth about the pressures pastors (and other ministry leaders) encounter from their work, their ministries, their families, themselves.  More than recount them, he offers suggestions in overcoming them.

Also consider visiting Amazon to purchase “Who Prays for the Pastor?”  in print, downloadable audio, or Kindle rental.
​
 However, more than looking at the data and testimonies, take to heart the principle of the book and devotionals and pray for your pastor.  This would be an on-going gift growing out of Pastor Appreciation Month.

As we completed the previous installment, Vikki and Jules were about to begin their early-morning long distance Chicago Marathon training, timing their start in pre-dawn darkness in order to be finished with minimal overlap -- read, "running into" -- people competing in the Fox Valley Marathon on the same trail.  

The first wave of runners was scheduled to take off at 7 AM, about the same time Vikki would have completed her first six miles, turned around, and headed toward her scheduled 16-mile finish from the opposite direction.  In order to do so, Vikki, Michael and Jules had scheduled a 5:30 AM rendezvous to allow for pre-run schedule-check, rest room visit, and prayer before starting to run at 6 AM.  

Some overlap with the marathoners was unavoidable.  Yet, if everything went as planned, the primary  stress would be on how well Vikki and Jules physically held up.  The summer had been difficult on both bodies.  If everything went as planned meant if the Michael, driving along a course that had restricted traffic and parking for the marathon, met at the appointed water and support stations on time; and if Vikki and Jules stayed on course and were able to communicate with Michael by mobile device any changes in route.

The best way to tell this story is to borrow from Sgt. Joe Friday of "Dragnet," minimize the narrative, and take you on a visual run.  The story you are about to read is true.  There's no need to change names.  Everyone is a sinner.

Some readers may recognize some of these visuals.  Don't skip, though.  We often catch things we missed the first time when binge-watching reruns.

​6:00 AM -- Vikki and Jules start their run from The Hill, a desolate, remote, dark spot in Batavia about eight miles from the starting line of the marathon.  Destination, Sullivan Road in Aurora -- the 13-mile marker of the Marathon, five miles down the road.  Michael is scheduled to meet them their a little after 7 AM, Jules first, then Vikki shortly afterwards.  

Michael is familiar with Sullivan Road from the 2015 Fox Valley Marathon.  However, the verbal directions articulated during the Saturday planning conversation describe two other stops on the trail, farther into Aurora.  One is McCullough Park, the "Ibuprofen Stop" of 2015; the other is downtown Aurora, near the half-marathon turn around.   Physically, this fits the description more than Sullivan Road, which on Saturday, all three agreed, was a little hazy to describe.

​Fortunately, because he's familiar with the drive along Rte. 31, Michael knows the street signs are hard to see.

6:28 -- Michael arrives at Sullivan Road and Route 31 intersection after making a beeline from The Hill.  There is no place to turn, no place to run.  The trail goes under a bridge with no access.  So, he deduces, the route described must be the half-marathon turnaround.   He drives into downtown Aurora, five miles down the road, and turns along the riverwalk frontage road.  There are no markers for the marathon runners, and no indication of anything resembling a mile-marker.   He's either gone to the wrong place, or the route has been changed from 2015.  Indeed, the route HAS been changed, he learns later, but that's not why he is in the wrong place. 

6:35  -- Michael arrives at the other possible location, McCullough Park, which he'd already passed.  Like Sullivan, it's off of Route 31.  Unlike Sullivan, the running trail is accessible and has ample parking.  This, he is certain, is the turnaround they meant, for this, he recalls, is where he took the "Handing-Out-The-Pills" photo in 2015 when he first realized runners could actually ingest more than water during a race.

Michael's certainty his is the right spot is enhanced when he pulls into the turnaround and sees the parking lot populated with people in lounge chairs, no doubt waiting to shout encouragement (and hand pain-killers) to their marathoning loved ones.  

Though comfortable he has arrived, he's yet apprehensive.  After a few minutes,  he reluctantly texts Vikki for her whereabouts.  Reluctant because, since her music is on her  cellphone, he knows the danger of TWR -- Texting While Running.  His bigger concern is unleashing Vikki's inner Worry Wart.  Yogi Berra is right, "The other half is mental..."

In anticipation of them both losing their minds, Michael accesses the Fox Valley Marathon course map.  Now he knows exactly where he is.  Where is Vikki?

6:40  -- Michael texts Vikki.  After a few moments of silence,  she texts back (having mastered the art of dictating texts, comma, while in motion, period. Send.). 

He discovers Vikki has just passed where Jules parked when the morning began, and where Jules and Michael will meet later when Jules finishes so that they, together, may tend to Vikki's needs the rest of the way. (Jules is running 11 miles to Vikki's 16...which Michael thought was 18.  Stay with us.) 

Vikki's pace is fine, a little over 12 minutes, however, she's not sure where she is in relation to Sullivan and in relation to where Michael is.  He checks his map, finds his '20' ("Location," in Joe Friday police lingo), and hers.  She is a mile short of Sullivan.  It will take her 12 minutes to run there; driving, it will take Michael, two.  He waits a bit, then texts if he should head back to Sullivan as originally planned, knowing he'll need every minute to find a place to park and meander down the trail.

Michael drives north on 31 toward Sullivan, the Fox Valley trail map on the phone just faint enough for him to see.

The phone rings.

​6:48  -- He answers a breathy call from his wife.  In other circumstances, this  would be welcomed.  Calls on the trail are urgent. Rather than dictate a text -- like,  "thumbs up," or "ok" --  she's in producer mode, dictating instructions. 

"I'm going to come to you," she says.  "Nnnnooo!" he cries to her, his inner spirit shouting,  This is not a morning to improvise!  "I'm almost to Sullivan, I'll meet you there (as we planned)."

He turns on Sullivan Road, still uncertain how to find the trail, but feeling confident he could.  Dorothy's Scarecrow returns to Oz.  "Which way do I go?"

The trail at Sullivan is scary.  Though becoming light, it was still dark, a darkness enhanced by shade trees along the riverbank; a scariness enhanced when he turns left and feels that the isolated frontage road above the running trail below  has transported him into the backwoods of  "Deliverance." Before some that movie's scenes play in his head, he U-turns and crosses the road where he finds, not "Deliverance" but "Salvation" -- the Marathon 13-mile marker. He was on the right course, but soon has new concerns. 

​Opposite the trail is a gravel driveway that screams "Keep Out."  He see just one car and a solitary figure walking the river bank . 

7:02  -- Risking harassment from parking officials, he parks and hurries to the shore lest Vikki not see him when she emerges from under the bridge and begins texting where he is. Before he gets to the marker, the solitary figure -- a woman -- approaches him, head down, take a couple of steps back, turns and utters, "Excuse me, sir!" 

She didn't yell, but she evokes the same pit in his stomach  that  occurred when the Secret Service agent yelled pointed, "SIR!" when he once, accidentally, crossed a gardening fence at the White House.  This time, Michael seemed official.

"Excuse me, sir?" she said.  "Is it all right if we park here?"

So Michael met Trudy (her name has been changed to protect the innocent).  Michael and Trudy chatted while waiting for their spouses.  Trudy's spouse was actually running Fox Valley to prepare (maybe) for Chicago (he hadn't decided).  Randy (his real name, not),  hadn't started his race,.  She says this just as Vikki was just appears from under the bridge, 5.5 miles into her morning and...ahead of Jules!

7:14 -- Not two minutes later, Jules reaches Mile 13.  When told Vikki is heading a mile further before turning around, Jules says nothing...verbally.  That extra mile -- adding two miles by the time Vikki returns -- has the potential to throw off the timing with Fox Valley.  

Undaunted,  Jules presses on. Michael and Trudy resume conversing  Vikki appears in the woods through the woods in the distance.  He runs downhill to the mile-marker, offers the Ibuprofen -- for they are now at eight miles.  Vikki refuses.  "Maybe later," she says.

 They are 90 minutes into the run with two hours to go. Comfortable, now, that Vikki is running well and that they caught up without issue, Michael opts to take an Instagram  video update with his new camera phone.  To capture the moment, he begins running backwards to interview her under an overpass on the banks of the Fox River.  The road is curved. There is a 5-foot guardrail between he and the river.

Michael takes too long saying goodbye to Janie.  His phone rings.  It's Jules.  His instinct, as two-shall-become-one-flesh-absorption from Vikki, is that something's wrong.  It's not.  Jules is simply informing him she's done and at the car.  He breathes out the tension, thinks of Trudy and their share "stress of not running" conversation and pulls into the makeshift parking lot by 56.

9:05 AM -- When they meet again, approaching Route 56, the three of them are amid a throng of runners.  Vikki is now slowing down .  It's a "come to Jesus" moment, confessed when Jules finds her amid the maddening crowd and runs with her a tad: 

9:25 -- That her knees were burning brought to mind a song which had inspired Vikki many years before she began running, "Church on Fire," recorded by Hillsong with leader worship singer Darlene Zschech  The thought of which propelled her to the end of the run 20 minutes later, along with the help of some of the marathon runners who encouraged her until she finished near The Hill, but on the opposite side of the river.  As they reconnected a last time and reviewed the previous 24 hours, Vikki paused to give glory where glory belonged, inspired to press on toward the goal.

 It was a Francis Scott Key kind of morning:  "Oh, say...by the dawn's early light?"

This particular Sunday was not just another long-distance training day.  
They had spent Saturday mapping out the plan for Sunday; a more intricate collaboration than had occurred in previous planning sessions.  There's something to be said for Experience being a teacher.

Their phone call was about an hour, going over and again the start time, the drive time, the water stops, the energy shots, the traffic flow. 

Distance had its own importance.  Vikki had not completed any of her previous double-digit goals.  Today's 16-mile run was admirable; however, she was struggling, lamenting that it should be 20.  Twenty is the optimum number of miles a marathon runner should run in a training session before race day, and three, the optimum number of weeks that 20 should be run.  Twenty miles were what Jules ran on the same day three years ago when she was getting ready for the Chicago Marathon .  That same day, Vikki ran her first 26.2-miler.   The Fox Valley Marathon.  Today was the third anniversary of that sub-five-hour hoof. 

The Vikki-Jules running partnership began that year, 2015, in the midst of recoiling from personal and professional setbacks.  Starting Fox Valley that Sunday was a family triumph, coming as it did at the end of three successive years when Vikki buried her father, her mother and a sister;  and lost  her job of over a decade.   It was on that job that Vikki met Jules, hiring her as a  freelance  producer for video projects Vikki coordinated at the corporation. 

When Vikki was laid off because of budget cuts, Jules -- a passionate marathoner -- returned the employment favor.  She hired Vikki as field producer for a documentary Jules was producing on marathon runners. Interviewing the runners as they finished, Vikki resonated with repeated comments about the spiritual nature of running.  Coupled with her own Scripture studies and dormant competitive streak, it didn't take much of Jules' prodding (ok, encouragement) , for Vikki to begin training for a half-marathon (13.1 miles).  Why stop there, said the Prodding Producer.  Run the full monty.  Besides, without the 9-to-5, there was plenty of time to train, running along the south bank of the Fox River where the marathon would be held, during the week. 

Because his staff position at church had flexible hours, for fun Michael could come for support which generally came in the form of popping up in planned and unexpected places on the course anywhere between downtown St. Charles, IL, and Interstate 88.  The route on the shores of the Fox River was awash with artistic parks, fishing posts and running trails.  There were also a few wooded areas that seemed to have been considered locations for "Deliverance." These backlots not only tweaked Michael's photo safari instincts, they also tapped his latent caveman protector radar.  He saw things, and people, on the trail, Vikki did not.  Would not.  That's all right, he thought, you just run.  I'll watch.  Thus, the camera lens through which he viewed his wife in the race surroundings was not just peculiar paparazzism.  

​

​LEARN MORE:  ​Donate to Vikki's run for St. Jude's Children's Hospital.

The fact that the same race was occurring on the same day as this training run was further complicated by the fact that neither Jules nor Vikki was competing in Fox Valley, but had chosen the same course to train.  They  had to finish before the bulk of the runners got going on the same course.  Thus, Saturday's pow-wow.  Jules, the master producer as well as track coach, made a point of texting that the success of their day hinged on being SHARP to their 5:30 AM rendezvous.  Any variation could create a logistical logjam, potentially tripping over hordes of runners from the opposite direction; or worse, getting caught up in a swarm and off course. A "Rawhide" without ramrod Clint Eastwood.  There could be something worse than encountering actual marathon runners, however. 

As Vikki repeatedly reminded Michael throughout training, time didn't just mean the distance run.  There was the mindset to be dealt with.  Her repetition of the emotional element channeled baseball Hall of Famer Yogi Berra, the poet laureate of malaprops whose observations include., "Baseball is 90 percent mental.  The other half is physical."  On days like this, Yogi was Yoda as orated by James Earl Jones. Or in their case, Jules.  In short, tardiness would create a more detrimental mental drain for the Type-A and A-minus women before they got out of their cars. 

And so, Saturday Jules followed her text with a three-way phone call.  Vikki and Michael had their responsibilities.  Vikki running 16.  Jules running 11.  Michael driving to rendezvous points on the trail, hoping to navigate roads blocked off for the marathon.  

The best way to continue is to minimize the narrative and let you see and hear what transpired with a nod to Sgt. Joe Friday.  The story you're about to read is true.  No names are changed, and Michael maintains his innocence.   

NEXT: "Knees on Fire" -- What running  on Sunday morning to beat competitive runners actually feels like.